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I know I am double posting for one day. And at this point I am relying on my own recollection, which may or may not be accurate because I was so oxygen deprived I began to lose sense of reality. At some point this day I realized I was beginning to feel a little bit confused. I was forgetting how to do simple things like text on my phone. I also began to get paranoid so I kept this new symptom to myself for much of the day - which I DO NOT RECOMMEND, EVER! Once I realized I was really slipping into something scary, I told my mom quietly that something was 'off'. She said, 'What do you mean? What is wrong?'. And I said I was feeling.... confused.... for lack of a better description. She went and got a nurse. She asked me a few questions. Then got a doctor. They decided I needed to be moved to ICU. During that time, my paranoia set in further. I was afraid they were going to take me away from mom and Ginnie and I was going to die. I was afraid being moved to ICU meant I was going to die alone. I was convinced I had minutes? Hours? To live? This is a very scary place to be. A team of doctors came in and asked more questions, they decided to move me to ICU immediately. Literally the thing I was dreading. I recall one lovely doctor in particular, holding my hand and trying to calm me even as I lost consciousness. The last thing I remember about that event and many hours later is her saying 'Hey... don't worry... we HAVE YOU'. The thing I experienced that night was both the most terrifying and the most amazingly beautiful I've ever had. Let me tell you why. Once I was settled into my new room in ICU, Ginnie and mom were already there, getting settled into the room. They even brought in a cot for Ginnie and mom got the couch. I recall continuing to feel as if I was dying. And the dread that I was going to Hell was overwhelming. I have been a Christian my entire life. I believe in the Creator, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. I didn't realize I needed it now more than ever. From my bed I very quietly told Ginnie about my fear and I began to cry. In this moment a miracle happened. Ginnie used her words, wisdom, prayer, song and guidance and I felt something wash over me. Calm. Peace. Acceptance. I felt the Spirit fill my heart to the brim and I wasn't afraid anymore. It is the most beautiful thing to be 'born again'. Something you can't describe but wish you could. And honestly, this was the moment things really began to turn around for me. Miracles would begin to happen and I would slowly get better. Keep reading. :)  
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I had some amazing visitors showering me with love and support! This is one of the most healing things someone can experience and I will forever be grateful. Roger Doger! Can Always Count on Him! After some parking stress, DAD made it! Ginnie has joined us at UW! With her she brought respite for my mother, who I imagine is feeling worn down by now. She also brought a cheerfulness and feeling of peace that was much needed. And she quenched my spirit. I didn't realize how much I would be relying on my faith to keep me alive but she was there every step of the way, guiding as best she could. I was moved from the high risk floor to the ICU after an episode of not being able to stabilize on my own. At first it felt disappointing because I wanted to be improving, not having things decline. But I quickly came to realize it wasn't failure on my part, just part of the process and there is certainly nothing wrong with a higher level of care. The staff are so compassionate and they are a fountain of knowledge!  Woke up to a lovely view from my room! If I lift my bed alllll the way up to max height I can get a glimpse of the water outside and it is peaceful. Mom is still gowned up while we wait for the test results to come back for the 'all clear from Covid'. I try to keep my spirits up, even with the insane amount of oxygen they are trying to dump into my body.   After a really tough night at home since being sent home from the ER doctor, I had a home health nurse visit. The same nurse that had seen me the previous day and had sent me to OMC via ambulance the day before. Needless to say, I believe we were all a little confused about why I was so incredibly sick and was sent home anyway. But I digress. I continued to decline throughout the day and my amazing home health nurse made arrangements for me to be sent to UW ER to be admitted and treated by my specialists. Erin was there to help me pack and send me off. Mom waved at me through the ambulance doors and I was on my way.    The beginning of my UW hospitalization...Mom met me at UW, boy was it nice to see a familiar face! This was the very start of the COVID-19 epidemic and they required she stay gowned up until I tested negative for her own safety. We didn't know much about the virus at this point and had no idea how widespread it had become!   Erin came by again and arrangements were made for me to have my hair chopped off and a pedicure. I learned from my two night stay in the hospital that tangled long hair is not something I want to contend with when I am undoubtedly hospitalized again in the future. Honestly, the change was much needed, my beautiful long native hair had been struggling for some time due to the meds I was on and it was getting quite sad to look at anymore. I LOVE the change and feel free and beautiful. Yeah, I said it. I am beautiful.  And yet.... another trip to the ER....Man, I just couldn't seem to keep my oxygen levels up. I felt I was deteriorating and my home health nurse agreed with me. We called for an ambulance together and I was sent back to OMC. Unfortunately, the ER doctor couldn't 'find what the problem was' after running a few tests and decided to send me home. I kept telling them I was desaturating (oxygen levels dropping) and continued to show them the pulse ox even as they wheeled me out to the car. I didn't feel safe for the first time in everything I had endured. I was confused, sad, scared and afraid to sleep because I was sure I was going to die in my sleep. It was a rough night.  My beautiful friend, Erin stopped by today as a total surprise! She brought me some tasty treats and spent a lot of time making my nails pretty while we caught up. It was a great day!  Sleeping in my own bed is amaaaaazing, guys! I also got my first mask to wear when I go out in public because I am at a high risk to catch any little thing with all of the immuno-suppressants I am taking. And a lovely person in my life made a very special blanket to keep me cozy and remind me of all the love.   When I got home I was overwhelmed with how many people wanted to help! I had no idea the army of warriors I had on my side, cheering me on. One of those people is my cousin, Ginnie. We have been close for many years and been through all sorts of shenanigans, fun times, drama, loss, you name it.... together. Anyhow, I got off track there. One of the most thoughtful things I didn't even know I needed was to remove toxins from my life. Air fresheners (yikes, I can't believe how many years I used them!), cleaning agents, learning about appropriate oils. She knew it all and if she wasn't sure, she knew who to ask. We did a full cleanse of our home and replaced items with non-chemical and toxic things with a whole slew of new products, which she provided. I heart her!  I only spent two nights in the hospital and was feeling decent about going home. Lincare did a FANTASTIC job of figuring out what I needed in order to reach the correct output. This was a first for them, too, so we were learning together. :)  |
AuthorA mother. A friend. A warrior. Archives
October 2020
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