Is This Real?

I was blessed with the very best nurse possible while recovering in SICU.  At this point I was suffering from sleep depravation and the medications they had me on were making me all kinds of loopy.  I was having severe hallucinations, which were equal part confusion and terror.  I could not sort out what was real versus what was in my head.  The nurse I had was amazing and had tons of experience in walking people through these thoughts and visions.  But even his experience didn't help 100% and I became extremely paranoid.  I was seeing things that weren't really there.  I was seeing faces in the walls of the room.  I was hearing conversations that weren't even happening in real life.  I even became paranoid when it came to my momma!  It felt like she and the nurses were conspiring against me and even trying to hurt me.  My poor mother struggled to reassure me but I was convinced we were having a huge fight.  It was the most bizarre thing I have experienced.  And not something I want to go through ever again. 

By now I am able to sit up in bed with some assistance and today I graduated to being able to eat FIVE entire ice cubes, five times per day.  I have to say, the ice chip diet was a tough thing to work through.  They do a lot of testing of my swallowing ability because they don't want you to aspirate anything into the 'new' lungs.  At this point I am a week out from the last time I was able to eat or drink anything.  I can't wait to have the freedom to drink some apple juice and eat some REAL food!

Sadly, I am struggling with an issue in mobility.  I am unable to use my right arm and my right leg feels very weak.  I can't wriggle my fingers or lift my hand on my own.  They are trying to sort out why this has happened, wanting to rule out a stroke.  Today I had an Ultrasound and they believe I have a blood clot in my shoulder, causing some paralysis.  I am working hard with physical therapy and occupational therapy to try to gain strength on my right side.  And I am madly in love with one of the therapists I am working with.  Her name is Sandi and she makes me think of unicorns and mermaids every time I see her.